A Lesson in Judgement

Carmen — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 03:17:19 +0000

Not very long ago, a new sandwich place opened in the mall close to my work. I rarely ever remember to pack myself a lunch so I ended up going there quite a bit. When it first opened the same guy was always there and he would always flirt a bit with me. I brushed it off, subconsciously thinking “yeah okay, this guy is like 30 and working in a sandwich shop. Not interested”.

Well as it turns out the guy not only worked in the sandwich shop, he owned it. He not only owned it, he owns three. He actually started the franchise and it’s becoming really popular really fast.

Not that he was seriously trying to ask me out or anything, but still. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a stuck up bitch.

Happy Canada Day

Carmen — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 04:57:27 +0000

When I was 14, I went on my first official date on Canada day with my first boyfriend Kevin. He was actually the older brother of a girl I went to school with the year before, but I’d never met him because he was in high school. We met through my friend Sarah, who hung out with the “druggies” and weird unpopular people, when he was selling her a pipe behind the school. I’m not sure why he was selling it because he didn’t smoke. Anyway, I remember my first thought was that he looked like Kurt Cobain. He had long messy blonde hair to his shoulders and some kind of attempted facial hair. He was 16.

One day toward the end of the school year, he caught me walking home and introduced himself. I can’t remember what he said but we were basically inseparable for the next year and a half after that. He lived a few blocks away from me and we had a habit of sneaking out after our parents went to bed (more sneaking on my part, his didn’t pay much attention) and walking around through the alleys that led from his house to mine. Completely innocent stuff. The night before Canada day he came to my window and asked me to go out with him. I thought it was all very romantic.

So Canada day was our first day as boyfriend and girlfriend. He took me down this path into the bushes that ended in a small clearing overlooking the river where I guess people had bush parties, I was very naive and never went to things like that. The second I stepped into the clearing a firework shot straight by me and into the trees. We didn’t stay very long. All I remember is standing around awkwardly while he ran into the bushes to put out some small fires and then leaving. We sat on a dugout in the baseball field to watch the real fireworks for a while but they were blocked by the trees, so we decided to walk closer to the river to get a better view.

Of course by the time we got to the bottom of the hill they were over, so we just ended up turning around and walking back. My feet and legs were sore so he piggybacked me all the way up the hill, which was really long and steep. We also always met halfway between our houses at this clearing between our alleys, so he took me back there and said goodbye. I was leaving for the summer in the morning and wouldn’t see him again for 2 months.

The relationship went south pretty fast and I only stayed with him for as long as I did because he threatened suicide frequently, but it’s still one of my fond “young love” memories. I’m really only saying love for lack of a better word, because I certainly never was in love with him.

This Canada day has been extremely boring. I went grocery shopping and ate a piece of free cake at the bank, that’s pretty much the extent of my celebration.

On a completely unrelated note I really need new blogs to follow. If you have a blog or know of any good ones, send me the link !

Disassociating.

Carmen — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 10:57:14 +0000

It’s quarter to 5am and I’m laying in bed wide awake. I’ve tried everything including laying in the chair on my balcony -is it just me or is it always easier to sleep in unusual places?- anyway, no luck. Any time I begin to drift off I feel like I’m launched out of my body, suspended for a few seconds while I try to grasp what’s happening, and then dropped back down just as fast and jolted awake again. For a while after even, I still have the odd sensation that something is off…my hand is my hand, but it isn’t. Everything feels new but vaguely familiar, although I know it is.
This is making no sense at all. Has anybody else ever experienced depersonalization?

My (sort of) vacation

Carmen — Sat, 28 May 2011 07:54:49 +0000

If there’s one place I can never get sick of, it’s Vancouver island. Granted I haven’t traveled very much in my life so far. Right now it’s spring which means it is mostly cold, rainy, and dark. 3 things I (and most people I’m sure) absolutely hate, and yet it still manages to be so beautiful. The lush green forests and fresh salty air. I only got to stay there for four days, I miss it so much already.

But the point of the trip was to visit my grandma. Unfortunately she lives about 16 hours away from us, so we don’t get to visit her as often as we’d like. The rest of my family made the trip a few times but this was my first in 3 or 4 years. It was a good visit even though with my grandma being 91, there wasn’t much we could do but sit and talk.

I just love my grandma’s personality. I don’t know if it’s something that has come with old age, or if it’s how she’s always been, but she is not the slightest bit afraid to speak her mind. If you piss her off you she will definitely let you know, but in the sweetest way.

“Now I’m going to say something and you might not like it, but don’t you get upset with me…”

Or she told me “I have to tell you this, I don’t think you should go to the beach by yourself. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I’m just telling you I think you shouldn’t.”

She just has a strange way of announcing when she’s going to say something, I find it so adorable. She’s a tough old woman with the biggest heart and I got a bit choked up when she said “I’m going to say something I don’t say very often, I love you all very dearly. Maybe I don’t always show it, but I do.”

She always shows it.

A couple days into the visit we were starting to get a bit stir crazy, so we took a trip to the west coast of the island. Where the east coast is fairly calm and great for lounging on the beach, the west coast is where the surfers catch the much bigger waves. That’s probably common knowledge to anybody who knows anything about the ocean, but it was my first time there soo it was news to me. Anyway it was about 14 degrees and extremely windy, there were a few crazy people surfing but the beach was pretty dead. We stopped at a few tourist places and took some pictures (terribly disappointing ones, I need to work on my photography skills) and it was a pretty good day. Then we had to pack up and come back to (ugh) Alberta.

Going there we took two days, stopping for the night at about the halfway point. That was a long enough drive. On the way back we decided to do it all at once. I could wait another four years before I do that again.

Just a quick update…

Carmen — Thu, 26 May 2011 05:51:49 +0000

I use my blog as a way to think things through. Sometimes it’s easier to sort my life out when I put all my thoughts in writing. Other times I think things through so much that by the time I try to write it, I’ve already exhausted it to the point of not wanting to bother (eg. the last 9 months).

I left off on a pretty depressing note, so I just want to say I’m not there anymore. Not that anything is even close to perfect. I still agree with that statement, it just isn’t getting to me the way it was.

I’m on vacation right now but I do plan to start posting fairly soon….in case anybody out there is reading.